The hardest thing to do is acknowledging your own self.
Ha! I should actually be saying: The hardest thing for me to do, is to acknowledge my own self. See!
Someone was saying to me recently - that there was this activity about changing the tense and the what - do - you - call it of a script and interesting insights that were discovered when what was written was changed from a third person narrative into that of a first person. So I'm going to try this first person thing here now.
I'm always looking for clues from others that I'm doing ok. No, not just ok, but doing great. And this isn't really all that terrible, I suppose its natural. But I wish I wasn't like this. I really envy men and women, boys and girls who are so darn comfortable in their own selves.
How do I get there? I try and be conscious of when I'm ignoring my own voice. Then I try and put it down. On a mental note. Or on the blog. And its a nice feeling. To feel right in whatever I'm feeling.
But I want to get to a point where I feel that without effort. An awareness of my inner voice so clear.
I think starting to be a teacher has forced me to catalyse this process a bit. Nah, a great deal. Two days in the classroom and I haven't felt this mixed up in a long time. Sigh. Good luck to me.
And my students.
Ha! I should actually be saying: The hardest thing for me to do, is to acknowledge my own self. See!
Someone was saying to me recently - that there was this activity about changing the tense and the what - do - you - call it of a script and interesting insights that were discovered when what was written was changed from a third person narrative into that of a first person. So I'm going to try this first person thing here now.
I'm always looking for clues from others that I'm doing ok. No, not just ok, but doing great. And this isn't really all that terrible, I suppose its natural. But I wish I wasn't like this. I really envy men and women, boys and girls who are so darn comfortable in their own selves.
How do I get there? I try and be conscious of when I'm ignoring my own voice. Then I try and put it down. On a mental note. Or on the blog. And its a nice feeling. To feel right in whatever I'm feeling.
But I want to get to a point where I feel that without effort. An awareness of my inner voice so clear.
I think starting to be a teacher has forced me to catalyse this process a bit. Nah, a great deal. Two days in the classroom and I haven't felt this mixed up in a long time. Sigh. Good luck to me.
And my students.
7 comments:
Self-reflection!
I think you are doing just fine. You don't have to envy those who "seem" to be comfortable in their own selves. I have realised that most of them aren't. And probably they need to envy you. And those few who are, have been in your phase before reaching where they are now.
Even if you get clues from others that you are not doing ok, its still ok. Its absolutely fine to not get it right every time and also you can't please everyone.
Feel good that you are very conscious and so are very much on the right track. Continue to be reflective, but also trust your guts! Budha's middle path you see!
I have consciously not written in first person. :P
:) I feel the post and love the response
I love this post. It has voiced thoughts that I am still uncomfortable to voice. or just scared.
It is hard I guess to remember your strengths and learn from your weaknesses. I hope the people around you are telling you the truth. :)
Haa chin, this has bothered me a lot too and while I was in the behavioural lab, I came to know that every one there was feeling that too! the insight shared was, as part of socialisation some how patriarchy and religion advocate 'deficiency model', i.e you are not adequate unless so and so happens or similar things. That is one of the reasons we look at others to acknowledge what we are feeling, thinking etc. the opposite school of thought is appreciative inquiry and being comfortable as well as aware of our own authentic selves and giving ourself the permission to be the authentic ones.... too long a comment I wrote. I feel we tend to oscillate between these two models.. I dont know whether this sounded like a sermon but I want to share this thought with you :)
Chinnnnnuuuuuuu !! Liked it ..Keep writing I Say ! :)
Not sure if I should be here.. wandered in from Aparna's blog :) but hello there! Love your lilting poems and thoughtful prose!
You know the otherside to comfort is stagnation. Discomfort pushes one out of ennui and forces us to think, assess, re-examine. Which is what you seem to be doing :) In my experience a teacher who grows with her students, who allows her students to see the overcoming of vulnerability to gain the beauty of learning and insight is always far more effective. It somehow makes the process more organic, more felt, more real.
Hello Arpita! You're welcome to wander in :) And thank you!!
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