Sometimes you need earphones to cut out the traffic. And listen to the music.
It's drizzling lightly. I hear "malligeyooooovuu" from down below. The flowers must be holding the drizzle on their petals.
Bats in the sky - where are they going, where from.
It's raining now. Heavily. Traffic reduces.
I can't think of a single thing I would like to do right now. I mean, I can't decide what would please me. Should I take out the umbrella and take a stroll? I usually like that. But right now is nice too. I think I'm hungry though. What should I eat? Fruit? Rice? I can't decide.
I can't decide. Can't hold my mind on one little thing or big one. Go through the day just listening to my body. Eat, pee, sleep, crap, eat, sleep, pee, sleep, eat. I don't know where I'm going. Don't know where I would like to. I should read, listen to good music, someone tells me. I try. Can't get through more than two pages, three songs. Am I looking for something nicer? Should I be looking?
I do what I absolutely must. Take the bus to get to work. Work. Not work. Eat. Listen. Take the bus back.
I hardly think. I am not able to think. I don't want to.
I am existing in a... nothing state? a silent mind.
Happy to stare out of the bus window. Happy to walk and speak nothing. To just sit and listen to rain. To just be. For no reason.
As I write this, I realise I've been trying to get out of this state too. Trying to find wants, cravings, things to do. To be productive. My mind doesn't comprehend not having anything on a To Do list. Doesn't even recognise a happy nothingness when I'm in it.
Sigh.
It's not easy to understand this silence. Need to listen better. Need the earphones for I seem to be only putting my ear out to listen to traffic.
It's drizzling lightly. I hear "malligeyooooovuu" from down below. The flowers must be holding the drizzle on their petals.
Bats in the sky - where are they going, where from.
It's raining now. Heavily. Traffic reduces.
I can't think of a single thing I would like to do right now. I mean, I can't decide what would please me. Should I take out the umbrella and take a stroll? I usually like that. But right now is nice too. I think I'm hungry though. What should I eat? Fruit? Rice? I can't decide.
I can't decide. Can't hold my mind on one little thing or big one. Go through the day just listening to my body. Eat, pee, sleep, crap, eat, sleep, pee, sleep, eat. I don't know where I'm going. Don't know where I would like to. I should read, listen to good music, someone tells me. I try. Can't get through more than two pages, three songs. Am I looking for something nicer? Should I be looking?
I do what I absolutely must. Take the bus to get to work. Work. Not work. Eat. Listen. Take the bus back.
I hardly think. I am not able to think. I don't want to.
I am existing in a... nothing state? a silent mind.
Happy to stare out of the bus window. Happy to walk and speak nothing. To just sit and listen to rain. To just be. For no reason.
As I write this, I realise I've been trying to get out of this state too. Trying to find wants, cravings, things to do. To be productive. My mind doesn't comprehend not having anything on a To Do list. Doesn't even recognise a happy nothingness when I'm in it.
Sigh.
It's not easy to understand this silence. Need to listen better. Need the earphones for I seem to be only putting my ear out to listen to traffic.
2 comments:
Wow very nicely put and I feel what is up with you - may be you should blog more ;)
I have the opposite problem right now with a very noisy mind which again results in doing the essentials of the body and nothing else much.
What ever you feel like doing or not doing is what you should do I feel. May be it is your body telling your mind to chill out and take rest while it does things which are magical.. muah
:) I think you should remember every moment of frustration, silence, indecision... one day you might pass the memories to dear ones
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